Pyotr Yudin (spider_bomb) wrote in ishindenshin,
Pyotr Yudin
spider_bomb
ishindenshin

Shohei had been in his room for hours, brooding guiltily over what he was feeling and had finally decided that he wasn't going to ask Pyotr to stay with him. If that tall redhead he'd seen at Emulsion's show wanted to date the Russian, he could, and Shohei wasnt going to stop him. It wasnt his place, as a friend or as a man. So when the soft knock rang from his door, he stood to answer it slowly, and when he opened it, seeing Pyotr's finely cut face, he looked down at his shoes.

Pyotr blinked at the strange behavior from the usually jovial Shohei and asked quietly, "Shohei? Are you feeling alright? I've been concerned lately." It was true, the other mans behavior had been odd; he'd been very quiet, very withdrawn, and was not behaving like himself at all.
Shohei said nothing for a moment, looking at the floor through his dirty red hair. His response was slow in coming, and disturbing to hear. "M'fine." His normally smooth tenor was raspy and dry, like he had smoked an entire pack of Marlboro reds and then swallowed the smoke with whiskey.

Pyotr's concern was clear to someone who knew him well enough. He reached for the smaller man, moved a little closer, and slipped a hand under his chin, forcing his face up so he could look him in the eyes. "Talk to me." He said, softly and surely.

The shorter man attempted a glare and failed, his salt-lined eyes itchy and swollen. He licked his dry lips and blinked slowly. "It's nothing, I'm just... Having a small problem, that's all." He blinked slowly, trying to wet his dry eyes. Every part of him felt dry, sucked free of life.

Pyotr wouldn't take no for an answer. He moved to grip the smaller mans hand and held it tightly inside his own. "Tell me."

Shohei swallowed. He didnt want to say it, he wasn't going to say it. "I. I don't know, Pyotr, its just me being stupid and I don't really want to. I dont want to tell you cos..." He couldnt bring himself to even think of the end of that sentence and silenced himself, looking away.

Pyotr was not about to let the subject go and gently prompted his flatmate. "Because....?" He squeezed his hand tightly, tilting the thin face to be looking at him again.

Shohei looked away, fighting his stupid, womanish tears. He whispered quietly, "Because you'll hate me."

Pyotr smiled, just a little, and responded, "There isn't anything you can do to make me hate you. If something is bothering you, tell me."

Shohei violently shook his head. "No... You deserve options, I'm not gonna... I'm not gonna take that away from you... You don't need to be stuck with me." He looked at the floor again, still fighting the tears. He felt stupid, like a child, and wanted nothing more than to disappear into the floor.

The Russian cocked his head to the side, a little confused. "Shohei, what do you mean?" He was surprised to find himself talking more than he usually would, but he also felt compelled to do so, this felt very important to him, like most things did not.

Shohei blushed, more because of the adrenaline rushing through his blood that told him to spit it out already than because of embarrassment. "I..." He looked at Pyotr, the tears winning the battle. "I'm being selfish, Pyotr... I want you to myself, and I can't... Can't bring myself to do that to you, because you're... You're so wonderful, and I... I'm afraid that being with you.... You'll... I'm so scared that you'll find someone better." He ended in a broken whisper, closing his eyes as though that would make the rejection hurt that much less.

Pyotr smiled. "Is that what this is all about?" He smiled a little more, carding his fingers through the messy red hair and kissing the tip of the shorter mans nose.

Shohei blinked in surprise, gasping and then swallowing, hard. "Pyo-kun?"

"Don't worry so much, Shohei." Pyotr kissed a smooth temple, still smiling. Shohei blinked again, this time in confusion, which was erased from his face as Pyotr nuzzled his neck. The confusion was replaced with another rosy blush. He felt hed gained some kind of record. The most blushes in five minutes or less.

Pyotr moved his hands, resting them on Shohei's waist. "I want you to know that... that I don't treat just anyone the way I treat you... I mean, I know that I don't treat you spectacularly or the way that people romanticize about, but you're one of the only people who I really care for and who I want to talk to."

Shohei swallowed and nodded dumbly, still trying to process the information that he was wanted by this beautiful man. As it hit him, he realized that he wanted to talk to Pyotr too. He wanted to share his secrets with him, to be silly with him, to have fun with him and love him. He didnt think he could have that with anyone else.

Pulling Shohei closer into an embrace, Pyotr kissed Shoheis cheek and played with his hair. He then pulled back, giving him a small smile, but for Pyotr, that would be considered something that one would rarely or never see.

Seeing that smile, directed at him, made Shohei's heart skip a beat. He licked his lips, and pressed his hands against the Russians back, his head to his chest. "I think I love you." He whispered quietly, looking at the material of the other mans shirt. "I dont I dont know why, I just know that you make me feel so wanted, like I mean something to you. I've missed that feeling, Pyotr, I've missed it so much He gently pressed one hand over the other mans heart. "You're so wonderful."

Pyotr's slight smile finally turned into a definitely larger smile. "Shohei..." he put his hand over Shoehei's which was on his chest. "You make me feel wanted. Wanted for who I am and not what I am physically. Thank you." he leaned down and pressed his lips to the other man's, running his fingers along his jaw line before pulling only a few millimeters away from his lips. "I think you may be winning parts of my soul over, each and every day."

Shohei exhaled a breath, and smiled a smile he hadn't brought out of himself in years; a smile of pure, childish joy and overwhelming happiness and he kissed him, an honest-to-god-Im-in-love kiss. Simple, clean, and beautiful in so many ways. Nothing felt more right than holding Pyotr close to him, smelling him and touching him and knowing that he would be there when he opened his eyes.
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